Wednesday, August 3, 2011

One Night At A Con

Repost from my old blog, because it’s come up in conversation more than twice:

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Bangkok, oriental setting
Here, 'Bangkok' refers to San Mateo, California. 'Oriental' is a shift from 'Hispanic'

And the city don't know that the city is getting
Too true. Especially true of the Broiler Express, a greasy spoon close to the hotel that suffered a sudden increase in business from people with ears and tails.

The creme de la creme of the chess world
'Chess World' is a euphamism for the 'Furry Genre'. Most references to the game actually apply to the genre itself. The 'creme de la creme' refers of course to the large number of 'name' artists, authors, and dealers, and even the more infamous fans.

In a show with everything but Yul Brynner
'Yul Brynner ' referring to the missing contingent. Possibly BronzeBear Media, possibly Rich Chandler. Who knows?

Time flies, doesn't seem a minute
Time does go by fast, especially after a 14 hour drive.

Since the Tirolean spa had the chess boys in it
The hotel pool, full of floating furry fans.

All change, don't you know
That when you play at this level there's no ordinary venue
Furry cons can't get into the ordinary convention centers. Either they're too small to support the cost, or the hotel KNOWS what they're in for.

It's Iceland or the Philippines or Hastings
Seattle, Philidelphia, Los Angeles

Or, or this place
San Mateo

One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
EVERYBODY knows what goes on at Furry Cons.

The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
Possible a reference to auctions where Lisa Jennings sells the shirt off her back. Literally. The winner got to take it off.

You'll find a God in every golden cloister
Let's be honest with ourselves. We all saw the MTV special.

And if you're lucky then the God's a she
..but not very often.

I can feel an angel sliding up to me
...who is actually an overwieght middle-aged man in an inflatable costume. But then, Virus seemed to be having impure thoughts about John Barret's RoxiCat costume.

One town's very like another
One CON's very like another..
When your head's down over your pieces, brother
Pieces referring to art. Flinthoof is perpetually head-down and has only a crotch-view of the world.

(It's a drag, it's a bore, it's really such a pity)
It is, if you consider what crotches he's looking at.

(To be looking at the board, not looking at the city)
See below.

What d'ya mean
You seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town
If you're not running the con, and you're not attending, then you're dealing. And it's all the same.

(Tea, girls, warm and sweet, sweet)
The lowest 'sweet' of course tells you that some of the girls weren't, originally.

(Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite)
Gene, Mier, and Kieth got TWO TVs, a microwave, and a frige!

Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist
Whose every move's among the purest
I never did find out what EVERYONE knows about cons.

I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine
Because I have no hormones and ice water for blood. (Thanks Sheryl)

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
Except that last piece of clothing..

One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
See above.

I can feel the devil walking next to me
Also a costume. Brian Harp does a really nice succubus character. He was next to me alot.

Siam's gonna be the witness
Siam. Sam Siam.

To the ultimate test of cerebral fitness
Iron Artist?

This grips me more than would
A muddy old river or reclining Buddha
The pool, after the furry fans are done. The reclining Buddha sat in the hallway alot and took up most of it.

Thank God I'm only watching the game, controlling it
Metaphorically. I am NOT controlling it, except in my mind. But thank God it's not my fault.

I don't see you guys rating
The kind of mate I'm contemplating
A repetitive theme at cons..

I'd let you watch, I would invite you
If I had anything to watch, that is.

But the queens we use would not excite you
See above

So you better go back to your bars, your temples
Your room parties.

Your massage parlors
Or the masseusse who set up out in the dealers hall-annex-death zone thing.

One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
You'll find a God in every golden cloister
A little flesh, a little history
I can feel an angel sliding up to me
Not that I found, though..

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me
I only got hit on twice, by two unattractive guys. I must be losing my sex appeal.